Will I See You Again?
6 Years ago my father figure/mentor collapsed and was hospitalized, i waited almost 12 hours in an emergency room lobby to see him.
When he was finally able to have visitors i asked him “are you okay” to which he smiled and replied “I’m fine, I’m not going anywhere”
The doctors said it was stress and that he would be okay after a little rest.
With a peace of mind and an unburdened heart i went home to relax after being far too on edge about the whole situation. I later left to stay with friends before he was sent home the following day.
Over the next few days i did my usual routine from video editing, to gaming with friends and just enjoying life in the most carefree way a 23 year old knew how.
I received a call shortly after that he had collapsed again and was rushed to the emergency room. They had no idea what was wrong and my mother suggested i go visit him while they ascertain his condition. I told her that i would visit him the following day as i was tired and ultimately just didn’t feel up to it.
The following day i received a call that he’d passed the night i decided not to see him. They later found out that his collapse was due to a blood clot that traveled to his lungs. A blood clot that formed due to poor circulation on account of our poor living conditions at home. He didn’t have a bed and always slept in a chair so that i could have the couch.
There isn’t a week that goes by where i don’t regret not saying goodbye when i had the chance.
Although I’m not a spiritual person i often think about the afterlife and wonder if I’ll get to see him again and finally speak the words i should’ve spoken while he was alive.
Will we ever get the chance to say goodbye to each other or will his last words to me always and forever be “I’m not going anywhere”
If there is an Afterlife I hope he see’s what I’m doing, how far I’ve come and how far I’ll go to break free from the poverty that ultimately killed him.
I can never take back my choice but i hope i can create a life that’d he’d be proud of.